hopes and fears

It's been a good few days. My parents were in town because my mom was taking a course to recertify as a lactation consultant...you heard me. I've totally got the hookup when it comes to birthing or breastfeeding issues. Pretty handy.

Anyway, I had to get up at 4 a.m. to take my mom to the airport because she flew out to be there with my brother during his surgery. He had a big ol' tumor wrapped up nerves on his lumbar spine. My mom recently called to tell me that the tumor is BENIGN! Thank God! Now we're just praying the doctors will put him back together and he'll be able to walk and all his other functions associated with that region of his spinal column will be able to function. So far we've had only good news so hopefully it will remain so.

On another note, I was surprised how easy it was to get up at 4 a.m. this morning. It seems that for the past few weeks not even 8 or 9 hours of sleep are enough. And I tell you, I am a girl that needs my sleep. I can see you readers now, shaking your heads saying, "Just wait! You're about to have a baby, Katie! Get use to no sleep." And it's not like I don't know that's true. In fact, it's my major worry about having the baby.

My friend, Beth, recently asked me if I was nervous about this impending job of being a parent. I didn't really feel like it then, I guess I feel it moreso now. But when I think about the sleep issue, I worry. People keep telling me, "you'll get use to", "you'll be great", etc. But still...I worry. I worry that I'll be grumpy and mad at the baby for keeping me up. My mom laughed at it when I said that I was so afraid of being sleep deprived and the effect it would have on me and then cited stories of mothers whose babies were injured or died from Shaken Baby Syndrome. In my heart of hearts, I don't think I could be capable of that...but probably those other mothers didn't either. I'm probably freaking some of you out. But maybe the best way to prevent horrible things is to be honest about your fears regarding them.

In the end, I hope I am a good mom. I hope that I can adjust to getting little to no sleep (or that the baby just sleeps at all the "right" times!). I hope that I can keep my sanity. I hope I love being a mom as much as I think I will.


~*Spindelicious Handspun*~ said...

Dude you guys are gonna be fabulous parents, and you will be a fabulous mom! I don't mind getting up early, but I HATE getting woken up in the middle of the night. Will and I joke about that. I'll have bottles of breast milk waiting in the fridge for HIM to get up and feed the baby ;o)

And, there probably will be times when you feel like screaming and shaking the baby!...I think that's pretty normal. ;o) *sigh* I can't wait till you have this baby!! We are definitely gonna try our hardest to make it down around yr due date.

miranda said...

If it helps...I totally was one of those people that always needed a certain amount of sleep in order to function well. and after my first, Kadence Joy, arrived it has been quite different, I don't need near as much sleep to do my normal routine, or a little extra. Adding my mister Brayden Scott to the mix just seems natural and I, the person that still enjoys my sleep, seem to be doing just fine :)...hope that brings some encouragement to you. I have enjoyed reading about your family too, it has been so long since I have seen all of you. I love this internet thing :).

katieoz said...

Beth-I'm sure we'll win "parents of the year" at least a few times :) hehehe. We would LOVE it if you were here to meet our new little baby! ACK! It's so soon!

Miranda - it has seriously been forever. I think the last time I "saw" you was maybe in 8th grade at Spring or Fall Fling? Gosh. So much has changed huh!? It's so fun to keep up with your family's life as well....so trippy :)


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