6.04.2008

i hate people

I know that sounds awful. I don't always feel that way...promise. But don't you just wake up some days and it seems that EVERYONE who comes along in your path is really STUPID? I don't know what is wrong with me, but I just feel so frustrated and so at the end of my rope with almost everyone I interact with today....but sadly, kind of just moreso in general these days.

I hate blaming things on "the pregnancy". That's another thing...I HATE it when people say, "IT'S THE BABY" whenever I get clumsy or forget something or whatever. It annoys the heck out of me. *sigh*

It's all the more frustrating when you feel so anxious or angry or whatever but just can't find the words to describe this angsty feeling or WHY you have it? It just seems so easy to feel bad things...to feel lonely, ugly, annoyed, exhausted, just "done", etc.

I know what my mom would say, "Just buck up and deal with it". And she's right. And I am trying to. I know some people know I'm cranky but that's really only the depth of it that they know. Maybe I am trying to "deal" with it the wrong way...by trying to cover up how I really feel with others. That is not saying that the right way to deal is by unleashing all my fury on everyone I meet.

Maybe just getting it all out on a little ol' blog is a good way of dealing with it. It's a little embarrassing, to say the least, but I feel better. The mind is such a mystery and such a twisted web. I think there are so many underlying fears/anticipations/anxieties about specific things coming up that I don't realize are starting to affect how I feel when I wake up in the morning and go about my day. I just end up chalking it up to "waking up on the wrong side of the bed."

In the end, I hope that those of you who trudged through reading this post don't think I'm a psycho or a cry baby. Even though I might be both :) A little vent here, a little vent there.

*big, deep, calm breath*

And now, I am moving on :)

1 comments:

~*Spindelicious Handspun*~ said...

haha! It's like with PMS...when you are PMSing you can't have any angry feelings or people will just chalk it up to PMS. Never mind the fact that your a person!...hehe. And it's not "the baby" per se. That's got to be frustrating. But go ahead and embrace the hormonal changes! Allow yourself to be cranky or whatevs. Just allow yourself to feel. Of course you've got a ton on your plate...your moving to the burbs and your HAVING A FREAKIN BABY!!! I think I'd be cranky sometimes too. Hormones are your friends. I'll make a t-shirt that days that.
In other news: I got to empty out a huge freezer full of frozen placentas today! It was the highlight of my day, no joke.

 

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