8.03.2008

if you like whining, read this post

The weekend has come and is almost gone *sigh* Someday, I'll be a wise older woman with better perspective and a more positive outlook...someone who can shrug things off when they don't happen like you plan. But I have to say, this whole not having the baby thing has really thrown me. I literally NEVER entertained the idea of possibly being induced. And even if I had, I NEVER would have thought that I would probably go through with it. My how things change. At this point I can't help but feel almost desperate for an induction but at the same time, I hate myself for wanting it. But I also DON'T want it. I don't want medical interventions. I don't want to be hooked up to any IV's (apart from the antibiotics for group B strep), have to have more monitoring than the minimum and get medications that might make my contractions so strong and painful that I end up with an epidural.

These thoughts/fears are a commentary only on my feelings regarding these things in reference to myself...not in reference or criticism to what others might choose. It's all just so opposite from anything I ever wanted. And I think I feel like I am grieving the loss of my ideal. At the same time maybe a little melodramatic you might think...that's kind of how I am though I think :)

Anyway. I think the waiting game will be over soon. I don't feel any physical changes and my money is more and more on the bet that I'll be admitted at 8pm on Tuesday to have this baby. I'll keep you all posted.

I'm so sorry this is such a downer of a post...I just feel really really down right now. But I know in the end everything with work out just like it should (blah blah blah).

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