I think I am in a better place today. I went to the doctor...not my actual OB because she doesn't work Mondays but to the OB that delivered Claire. Thankfully it wasn't mine because I really don't have a bond to my doctor and I am absolutely in LOVE with the doctor that brought Claire into the world.
Anyway, she just helped me kind of grasp the situation today. She didn't say anything ground-breaking but maybe the fact that it was coming from her, that I feel so bonded to her for delivering Claire safely that I was able to absorb her message: We're going to do everything we can to make nursing a possibility, but in the end we accept whatever happens. Her positivity and caring really influenced me. And she offered practical suggestions to help me not spend all my "pumping time" crying...such as absorbing myself in a guilty pleasure, which for her would be People magazine. I actually bought a couple "celeb smut" mags while waiting at the pharmacy and did what she suggested...and it really was better.
Besides, it is painfully ironic to anguish myself over the matter when all that will do is actually inhibit any possibility of being able to nurse. So for right now, I feel much more peace. I really appreciate all of the love and support from all of my friends and family...from all of you. Our little family is doing well. Claire is eating her formula but spitting up a bit...and we're still waiting for another poop (last one was last night). Have I mentioned that she is so freaking beautiful? Oh my gosh! Her eyes are just enormous! She's my little muppet. And Chris is the most amazing father and husband. Our relationship has changed so much in just a few days and we have grown even closer through this one week experience of being parents. I could not do this without him.