What is really important?

Today is a day I hoped would never come: we're using formula...but just to supplement, for now. I am having to let go of a lot of things I hoped for. From the way the birth happened to breastfeeding. Not all hope is completely lost but I can't afford to get my hopes up that my milk will come in.

It is very likely that my severe post partum hemorrhage is responsible for the fact that I can't successfully nurse. We met with a lactation consultant and she confirmed everything. I'm still going to try anything I can (pumping, More Milk Plus herbal supplement, flax seed, Mother's Milk herbal tea, non-alcoholic beer). I am also suppose to call my OBGYN tomorrow to get on a Rx strength medication to help get things going. We'll see though. I am trying to do "something" but not get my hopes up because at this point I think I'm pretty fragile and can't handle another let down.

All that said, when I look at our little Claire my heart swells with so much love and I know that she is worth any hardship. And her well-being is my utmost concern. Maybe I can't giver her the ideal, but I will give her my very best.


~*Spindelicious Handspun*~ said...

Dude it sounds like you are doing all your can possibly do! I know it must be really dissapointing for you, but I hope you are able to give yourself a break during this time and not get down on yrself! :o)

katieoz said...

Logically I know it's not my fault and it's out of my control. But in my heart I am just grieving and I feel like a failure. And I feel like I'm losing that little connection with Claire. Maybe I'm over-dramatizing but this is just so hard I feel like I can hardly bare it.

Katie Fleming said...

We're praying for you Katie!

~*Spindelicious Handspun*~ said...

Feeling grief is totally understandable! :o) Know that we are thinking of you and sending you peaceful vibes from up here in the ham. You are a *wonderful* and fabulous mother and Claire knows that.

Kathy Ristine said...

Hi Katie,
It's Auntie Kathy. Don't be so hard on yourself dear. you are doing wonderful and Claire is going to love you to pieces! My boys were raised on formula and we bonded and they were healthy and all was well. Trust the Lord and he will carry you through your concerns. I am praying for your peace and that you can just enjoy this time with your beautiful girl. She is so precious. We are so proud of you!


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